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Sports » uk.sport.football » When Saturday Comes [060407]
| When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948567] |
Do, 06 April 2006 06:36 |
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It is 30 years since Lee Scratch Perry released his seminal album 'Police
and Thieves'. Perry was at the height of his genius/madness operating out
of his temple come studio, the Black Ark. Reggae was also at the height
of it's finest creative period, a music culture that had largely gone
unnoticed outside of Jamaica and selected British clubs, it was in the
process of taking off worldwide, largely thanks to three men. Chris
Blackwell and Bob Marley had turned The Wailers into international
revolutionary stadium rockers. Meanwhile, Jimmy Cliff had brought the
idea of the streetwise Jamaican rude boy onto the silver screen in 'The
Harder They Come'. 1976 was also a great year for English football with
West Ham winning the FA Cup thanks to future newsagent, Alan Taylor
scoring a brace to send the hearts of the nation into ecstacy.
Reggae and football have long trodden a sympathetic path, Marley always
believed in the daily kickabout as a means to lighten one's soul. For me
they're deeply aligned as well, something to do with the beauty and
simplicity and universality of a human being with a kickball and good
rhythm. Like Jamaican music, I suspect English football has seen better
days but that doesn't mean there isn't a lickle bit of killer amongst all
de filler. So lets light up a chalice and look at the monged, bonged week
in football.
This week's News
Chelsea busted a whole load of All My Youks and continued Mourinho's
decline into Dickensian dishevelledness, playing out a weak 0-0 draw at
St Andrews. Looking devoid of any inspiration, is it possible they could
actually fuck up the unfuckupable?
Arsenal, Liverpool and Man Utd will certainly hope so. They all look in
much better form with the Gunners especially on fire at the moment. Only
Man U have any chance of catching the Blue Flags though so let's hope
their arse shoving appendages are well and truly honed for the final
run-in. Meanwhile the Arse have booked themselves a Champions League semi
final, capped off late on Wednesday evening with Arsene Wenger and James
Cook on the balcony at Highbury waving their greasy European penises at
our egg covered faces.
At the other end of the table Portsmouth continued their minor form
avalanche to unleash a Babylonic tower of whinging at Craven Cottage last
weekend. Bryan Robson will have his sweaty deja vu underpants on and no
laundromat within cooey with Brumingham registering a tight win against
Bolton and the final race towards batty boy boomshanka gathering pace.
So, on to this weekend's games.
Saturday 8 April
Tottenham Hotspur v Manchester City
The Chantells were a Jamaican vocal harmony group capable of eye
wateringly beautiful music. Tracks such as 'Children of Jah' and 'Waiting
in the Park' could have graced any Motown style soul 'Best of'.
Unfortunately, just as fame was beckoning, they got busted trying to
import herb into the UK and at least one member was sent to jail.
Like The Chantells, Tottenham and Manchester City have both appeared
ready for greater things but at the final hurdle each will disappear in a
cloud of reefer madness.
Pre-match soundtrack: CHILDREN OF JAH: THE CHANTELLS AND FRIENDS
Chief smoker: Mido
Version verdict? 1-1
Charlton Athletic v Everton
Niney the Observer was so called because he lost a finger during a
misspent youth. This didn't stop him setting up the Observer label and
producing a ton of beautiful recordings. He also recorded one of reggae's
better known singles in 'Blood & Fire'.
Unfortunately today's match won't have much of either with these two
teams cruising towards season's end.
Pre-match soundtrack: OBSERVATION STATION
Rasta Pickpocket? Darren Bent
Version verdict? 1-0
Portsmouth v Blackburn
King Stitt, the google eyed, fucked mouth freak known as 'The ugly one'
in Jamaican music circles, recorded for many producers, most notably Sir
Coxsone Dodd at Studio One in the 1960s. A master of ska and early
deejay, his mashed up looks betrayed a highly intelligent bloke and a
musicological maestro who helped to pioneer DJ, dancehall and rap.
Likewise, Harry Redknapp has a touch of the vicious vizaged magician
about him these days. He's got some rude boys on his case this weekend
though with a Blackburn side looking for European glory and hurting from
some Wigan wickedness at Ewood on Monday evening, it might be stepping
razors at dawn for these two teams.
Pre-match soundtrack: REGGAE FIRE BEAT
Wrecks on the decks? Pedro Mendes
Version verdict? 2-1
Sunderland v Fulham
Both of these teams are so shit they shouldn't be allowed to have reggae
music anywhere near them. But in the interests of continuity we'll drop
needle pon Delroy Wilson, who's classic single 'Better Must Come' may
resonate with both. It certainly will for any fans of attractive flowing
football.
And I'm sure we'll all be singing 'It's a Shame' if Fulham become one of
Sunderland's only scalps this season.
Pre-match soundtrack: BETTER MUST COME
Passing up the Chalice? Luis Boa Morte
Version verdict? 0-0
Wigan Athletic v Birmingham
Jacob Miller, the Fatman Riddim behind Inner Circle and the tunes that
Augustus Pablo, the melodica mentalist dubbed into 'King Tubby Meets
Rockers Uptown, certainly liked his pies. I reckon he would quite like
Wigan too. He wouldn't be the most dextrous dancer on a football pitch
but Jamaicans do love anyone that sets out to play a bit and that's
exactly what Wigan do.
Miller was killed in a car crash in 1980, a situation that might seem
uncomfortably familiar to Steve Bruce as his hapless Brummies fishtail
towards the brick wall of relegation. It's much Dread on the decks at St
Andrews these days. Jacob Miller would've liked that.
Pre-match soundtrack: WHO SAY JAH NO DREAD
False Rasta? Lee McCulloch
Version verdict? 2-0
Sunday 9 April
Aston Villa v West Bromwich Albion
John Holt has a huge back catalogue of hits and misses. An original
member of seminal Jamaican vocal group 'The Paragons', Holt has
participated in at least one bona fide reggae classic with the tune 'Man
Next Door' covered by everyone from Dr Alimentado to The Specials and
Massive Attack.
Aston Villa and West Brom have had their moments in footballing history
too, but unfortunately there's just too much shite amongst the nuggets to
win our undying love.
Pre-match soundtrack: 1000 VOLTS OF HOLT
Player Next Door: Nwankwo Kanu
Version verdict? 0-1
Chelsea v West Ham
Lee Scratch Perry could be the world's most beautiful man, or a right
prickly bastard. There's no doubting his talent though, even if it
appears less and less regularly nowadays. An innovator of sounds and
rhythms he is, of course, most famous for the song 'Police and Thieves',
a warning of trouble brewing among the bredren when the forces of Babylon
try to get heavy.
Alan Pardew knows that it's about to become 'City Too Hot' with another
right prickly character. But we'll have to wait to find out who's the
chief alien from outer space.
Pre-match soundtrack: OPEN THE GATE
Dub at the mantrols? Teddy Sherringham
Version verdict? 1-1
Liverpool v Bolton
King Tubby, another innovator extroadinaire could take common everyday
objects and make them warp and wail in completely unexpected ways to get
the desired result. Likewise Rafael Benitez has had to try and shape
Liverpool's patterns to make Peter Crouch a goal scorer. They're up
against another Tubby today who won't so much innovate his way to victory
as bludgeon the point up to the final whistle.
Yes this is dub at the pub, de 'ard music and BFS will be going home
singing reggae like Eric Clapton.
Pre-match soundtrack: KING TUBBY'S FREEDOM SOUNDS IN DUB
Tin helmet reverb? Xabi Alsonso
Version verdict? 2-1
Middlesbrough v Newcastle
Two local teams that will be bringing the love to this encounter. War In
A Babylon was a big hit for Max Romeo. A highly articulate, passionate
and very groovy man, he bears many similarities to Steve McLaren and
Glenn Roeder. The song is all about what goes down when bredren rise up
against bredren.
Max was pretty much shafted despite his talents and now lives in a
caravan with his family outside Greenwich Town. I'm sure there's room on
a bench seat in there for Glenn or Steve, we'll have to wait and see.
Pre-match soundtrack: OPEN THE IRON GATE
White Bellied Rat? Lee Bowyer
Version verdict? 1-1
Man United v Arsenal
Natty Dread era Bob Marley saw the zenith of Jamaica's only international
superstar. With nous and a heap of Chris Blackwell's money behind him Bob
managed to turn some pretty generic roots rock into multi-million selling
revolutionary anthems that would inspire the future likes of Bono from
U2.
Yes, we do hate him for this, although, like Man United and Arsenal he
really did make the most of his talents.
Pre-match soundtrack: AFRICAN HERBSMAN
Chris Blackwell manipulator? Ryan Giggs
Version verdict? 0-0
Wreck a pum pum.
--
Cheers, Os
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948574 ] |
Do, 06 April 2006 15:23 |
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Osbourne Ruddock <strikeboy [at] hotmail.com> wrote in
> de filler. So lets light up a chalice and look at the monged, bonged
> week in football.
Yes, let us.
> Chelsea busted a whole load of All My Youks and continued Mourinho's
> decline into Dickensian dishevelledness, playing out a weak 0-0 draw
> at St Andrews. Looking devoid of any inspiration, is it possible they
> could actually fuck up the unfuckupable?
I hope so too. Oh how I shall laugh. Muahhaa*ahem*. I mean it sure is
turning out to be a slightly interesting end of season but I think
Chelsea will win by 5.
> Tottenham Hotspur v Manchester City
> Pre-match soundtrack: CHILDREN OF JAH: THE CHANTELLS AND FRIENDS
> Chief smoker: Mido
> Version verdict? 1-1
Keane to shine.
2-1
> Charlton Athletic v Everton
> Pre-match soundtrack: OBSERVATION STATION
> Rasta Pickpocket? Darren Bent
> Version verdict? 1-0
Everton to steal a point.
1-1
> Portsmouth v Blackburn
> Pre-match soundtrack: REGGAE FIRE BEAT
> Wrecks on the decks? Pedro Mendes
> Version verdict? 2-1
2-0
> Sunderland v Fulham
> Pre-match soundtrack: BETTER MUST COME
> Passing up the Chalice? Luis Boa Morte
> Version verdict? 0-0
Better must come indeed. Fulham to continue woeful away form.
1-0 in the 87th.
> Wigan Athletic v Birmingham
> Pre-match soundtrack: WHO SAY JAH NO DREAD
> False Rasta? Lee McCulloch
> Version verdict? 2-0
Now that I haven't bet on Wigan, 4-0.
> Aston Villa v West Bromwich Albion
> Pre-match soundtrack: 1000 VOLTS OF HOLT
> Player Next Door: Nwankwo Kanu
> Version verdict? 0-1
No opinion. I'll go with yours.
> Chelsea v West Ham
> Pre-match soundtrack: OPEN THE GATE
> Dub at the mantrols? Teddy Sherringham
> Version verdict? 1-1
AWTWP. Maybe even 0-0.
> Liverpool v Bolton
> Pre-match soundtrack: KING TUBBY'S FREEDOM SOUNDS IN DUB
> Tin helmet reverb? Xabi Alsonso
> Version verdict? 2-1
Bolton to surprise.
0-1
> Middlesbrough v Newcastle
> Pre-match soundtrack: OPEN THE IRON GATE
> White Bellied Rat? Lee Bowyer
> Version verdict? 1-1
Does anyone really care? Apart from dearly departed Tommo and Ben Smith?
1-2.
> Man United v Arsenal
> Pre-match soundtrack: AFRICAN HERBSMAN
> Chris Blackwell manipulator? Ryan Giggs
> Version verdict? 0-0
Agreed on the result. I think it will be 1-1, though.
Great history lesson, Os. I learnt more about Reggae in these 5 minutes
than...ever.
Sid
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948576 ] |
Do, 06 April 2006 16:01 |
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"Osbourne Ruddock" <strikeboy [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns979DA8DF54E60strikeboyhotmailcom [at] 130.133.1.4...
>
> Tottenham Hotspur v Manchester City
> Version verdict? 1-1
Both sides are unpredictable. 1-1 is a sensible score here, as is my own 2-1
prediction.
> Charlton Athletic v Everton
> Version verdict? 1-0
1-2 Everton's record at The Valley strikes again.
> Portsmouth v Blackburn
> Version verdict? 2-1
AWTWP.
> Sunderland v Fulham
> Version verdict? 0-0
I placed a great bet with somebody the other day. I've been predicting
Sunderland home wins for a while now, and also Fulham away wins. 'Pffft', he
said, 'Sunderland won't win at home all season, just like Fulham won't win
away'. 'Fancy an even money tenner?' I said, knowing the odds were well in
my favour as this fixture has yet to be played. 'Yes' he said. Cunt.
So he's basically got even money on this game being a draw. Sucker.
Although however value-added my bet might be, there is still the possibility
it will finish in a draw.
But 2-0.
> Wigan Athletic v Birmingham
> Version verdict? 2-0
0-1
> Aston Villa v West Bromwich Albion
> Version verdict? 0-1
1-1
>
> Chelsea v West Ham
> Version verdict? 1-1
2-0
> Liverpool v Bolton
> Version verdict? 2-1
AWTWP.
> Middlesbrough v Newcastle
> Version verdict? 1-1
AWTWP
> Man United v Arsenal
> Version verdict? 0-0
1-1
BTN
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948578 ] |
Do, 06 April 2006 20:34 |
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"Sir Benjamin Nunn" <bennunn [at] depro.co.uk> wrote in message
news:49kl9rFodd61U1 [at] individual.net...
>
> "Osbourne Ruddock" <strikeboy [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns979DA8DF54E60strikeboyhotmailcom [at] 130.133.1.4...
>> Charlton Athletic v Everton
>
> 1-2 Everton's record at The Valley strikes again.
Is that a typo?
Everton haven't won at The Valley since August 2001. Not saying they won't
this time, just that if they do then their record won't have struck again.
IYSWIM.
--
Joe
Pay it fast it will be great..!!!
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948586 ] |
Do, 06 April 2006 22:49 |
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Sid <sidESSSPAMMMMM [at] MMMMMMAPSSSSEnerte.net> wrote in news:49kj2oFp8pscU1
[at] individual.net:
> Agreed on the result. I think it will be 1-1, though.
>
> Great history lesson, Os. I learnt more about Reggae in these 5 minutes
> than...ever.
>
Thanks Sid. Shame my formatting all turned teh ghey between Notepad and
XNews.
--
Cheers, Os
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948594 ] |
Fr, 07 April 2006 01:24 |
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"Joe Horowitz" <my_name [at] youblunder.co.youghey> reduced the crowd to
uncontrollable tears by saying
news:nbdZf.27253$zI1.4154 [at] fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk:
>> 1-2 Everton's record at The Valley strikes again.
>
> Is that a typo?
>
> Everton haven't won at The Valley since August 2001. Not saying they
> won't this time, just that if they do then their record won't have
> struck again. IYSWIM.
Fuck Off. You stop dissing our record. We've won thousands of times at
the Valley since 2001, I won't believe your stats. LALALALALALALALA, not
listening...LALALALABAMBA.
Actually recent games between us are:
Recent Head-to-Head Results
PR 21 02-Jan-06 Everton 3 - 1 Charlton Athletic
PR 22-Jan-05 Everton 0 - 1 Charlton Athletic
PR 28-Dec-04 Charlton Athletic 2 - 0 Everton
PR 17-Jan-04 Everton 0 - 1 Charlton Athletic
LC 3 29-Oct-03 Everton 1 - 0 Charlton Athletic
PR 26-Aug-03 Charlton Athletic 2 - 2 Everton
PR 08-Feb-03 Charlton Athletic 2 - 1 Everton
PR 09-Nov-02 Everton 1 - 0 Charlton Athletic
PR 29-Dec-01 Everton 0 - 3 Charlton Athletic
PR 18-Aug-01 Charlton Athletic 1 - 2 Everton
PR 23-Dec-00 Charlton Athletic 1 - 0 Everton
PR 23-Aug-00 Everton 3 - 0 Charlton Athletic
PR 24-Apr-99 Everton 4 - 1 Charlton Athletic
PR 28-Nov-98 Charlton Athletic 1 - 2 Everton
At Goodison Park
EFC P8 W5 D0 L3
CHA P8 W3 D0 L5
At teh Ghey Valley
CHA P6 W3 D1 L2
EFC P6 W2 D1 L3
Overall
EFC P14 W7 D1 L6
CHA P14 W6 D1 L7
Pretty even stevens all round, especially when you had Graham Stuart
playing for ya. Where is the bastard now? He did this neat trick where
he could stand on the ball. It was amazing. David Copperfield retired
from Magicianry when he saw it.
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948596 ] |
Fr, 07 April 2006 01:41 |
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Osbourne Ruddock <strikeboy [at] hotmail.com> wrote in
> Sid <sidESSSPAMMMMM [at] MMMMMMAPSSSSEnerte.net> wrote in news:49kj2oFp8pscU1
>> Great history lesson, Os. I learnt more about Reggae in these 5 minutes
>> than...ever.
> Thanks Sid. Shame my formatting all turned teh ghey between Notepad and
> XNews.
For XNews, if you are pasting pre-formatted text, you need to switch off
the auto-wrap. I find it easier to not format at all and let X-news do it
when I paste.
Sid
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948611 ] |
Fr, 07 April 2006 02:41 |
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Sid <sidESSSPAMMMMM [at] MMMMMMAPSSSSEnerte.net> wrote in
news:49ln98Fotqg1U1 [at] individual.net:
> For XNews, if you are pasting pre-formatted text, you need to switch
> off the auto-wrap. I find it easier to not format at all and let
> X-news do it when I paste.
>
Me too Sid, me too. I must've been suffering from rhythm madness and
bassbinocity or something.
Hell, I nearly forgot to mention football.
--
Cheers, Os
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948613 ] |
Fr, 07 April 2006 10:28 |
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"Joe Horowitz" <my_name [at] youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in message
news:nbdZf.27253$zI1.4154 [at] fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
>>> Charlton Athletic v Everton
>>
>> 1-2 Everton's record at The Valley strikes again.
>
> Is that a typo?
>
> Everton haven't won at The Valley since August 2001. Not saying they
> won't this time, just that if they do then their record won't have struck
> again. IYSWIM.
I don't know about Premiership results after 2001 though, do I?
BTN
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948624 ] |
Fr, 07 April 2006 15:27 |
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"Sir Benjamin Nunn" <bennunn [at] depro.co.uk> wrote in message
news:49mm5sFpjfdcU1 [at] individual.net...
>
> "Joe Horowitz" <my_name [at] youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in message
> news:nbdZf.27253$zI1.4154 [at] fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
>> Everton haven't won at The Valley since August 2001. Not saying they
>> won't this time, just that if they do then their record won't have struck
>> again. IYSWIM.
>
>
> I don't know about Premiership results after 2001 though, do I?
Well, if by "results" you mean "footballers", and by "after 2001" you mean
"penises", then yes. Yes you do.
You're quite the expert.
--
Joe
Pay it fast it will be great..!!!
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948635 ] |
Fr, 07 April 2006 18:29 |
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On 6 Apr 2006 04:36:04 GMT, Osbourne Ruddock <strikeboy [at] hotmail.com>
wrote:
>Chelsea busted a whole load of All My Youks and continued Mourinho's
>decline into Dickensian dishevelledness, playing out a weak 0-0 draw at
>St Andrews. Looking devoid of any inspiration, is it possible they could
>actually fuck up the unfuckupable?
No. The clues are that Chelsea don't look anything like Newcastle and
more importantly, the Special One has never been a fan of the floppy
perm.
>Tottenham Hotspur v Manchester City
>Version verdict? 1-1
City have forgotten how to win. They won't be merry until old king
Cole gets his pipe and his bowl and his fiddlers free.
Spuds win.
>Charlton Athletic v Everton
>Niney the Observer was so called because he lost a finger during a
>misspent youth.
Surely he'd have been called Niney the Unobservant then? Or Remarkably
Light Fingered Niney, or Niney the Nine Fingered Fingersmith, or Niney
Out of Teny perhaps. This story sounds a bit suss.
>Version verdict? 1-0
Should be a good game. Everton will be smarting and Charlton are good
value at home.
Draw.
>Portsmouth v Blackburn
Tooth and nail stuff this one, literally. Craig Bellamy will be sent
off for scratching Stefanovic's eyes out.
>Version verdict? 2-1
Stalemate.
>Sunderland v Fulham
>Version verdict? 0-0
Yes, the game that can't be won.
I think Fulham will take it.
>Wigan Athletic v Birmingham
>Version verdict? 2-0
1-0 for me with the Brummie luck gauge on empty.
>Aston Villa v West Bromwich Albion
>Version verdict? 0-1
Reverse that for me. West Brom are good at losing.
>Chelsea v West Ham
>Version verdict? 1-1
Even with an eye over their shoulder and a tremble in their tummies
Chelsea will prevail. It's what champions do.
>Liverpool v Bolton
>Version verdict? 2-1
Agree. The Reds too strong at home for their wobbly visitors.
>Middlesbrough v Newcastle
>Version verdict? 1-1
If any match could ensure that Boro are still up for it after their
sterling efforts midweek, it is this.
3-1
>Man United v Arsenal
>Version verdict? 0-0
Two sides with everything to play for and both hitting their straps at
the right time. Which only leaves the venue to decide it.
1-0
>Wreck a pum pum.
I had no idea that you were bilingual curious, Os. That was some
fucked up shit. I didn't understand a word of it though did enjoy the
colours and the scenery. Thanks.
--
Dat
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| Re: When Saturday Comes [060407] [message #948642 ] |
Fr, 07 April 2006 20:39 |
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"Sir Benjamin Nunn" <bennunn [at] depro.co.uk> wrote in message news:49kl9rFodd61U1 [at] individual.net...
> I placed a great bet with somebody the other day. I've been predicting Sunderland home wins for a while now, and also
> Fulham away wins. 'Pffft', he said, 'Sunderland won't win at home all season, just like Fulham won't win away'. 'Fancy
> an even money tenner?' I said, knowing the odds were well in my favour as this fixture has yet to be played. 'Yes' he
> said. Cunt.
>
> So he's basically got even money on this game being a draw. Sucker.
>
> Although however value-added my bet might be, there is still the possibility it will finish in a draw.
But Ben, don't you realise that The Cuntspiracy dictates that this game
will now _definitely_ finish in a draw?
Honestly, it's not complicated.
--
Mike
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